To everyone grieving, it’s okay to feel sad, anger, loss, disappointment, numbness, and hurt. You’re not alone in feeling this, there are a lot of people feeling like this right now. COVID-19 has forever changed us and our futures.
Unfortunately, grief and loss don’t leave us easily; it comes and goes like waves in the ocean and somehow it’s always with us. The one thing I’ve found is that the grief lessens in time and so does the guilt. I would like to think the loss also lessens over time but I’m not there yet.
You see, my dad recently died of an overdose, whether it was accidental hasn’t been ruled out yet. We weren’t close by any means and I hadn’t seen him in 20-year but the grief and loss I feel, feels like we were close and that 20-years hadn’t passed without seeing him. Honestly, I’m writing this for me as much as I am for you because, fuck, I don’t want to feel this anymore.
But alas, we may as well feel it now rather than bottle it up for later right?
I really dislike that it comes in waves, I’ll be driving and get sad or i’ll hear a song and I’ll cry. I really wish this wasn’t a thing, can you relate?
The more I think about how to cope with these feelings, I realise that there isn’t a time frame on when these feelings will leave but the important thing is that we feel them. Take a minute (or 3 hours) and cry, feel sad or scream, just feel.
I had to take some time off university to lay my dad to rest and to grieve and it took a lot of stress off my shoulders knowing that I didn’t have to complete assignments or attend exams (online, of course). Take the time you need to rest and grieve, it’s better than trying to cope and then having a breakdown.
Since feeling grief and loss I have relied havily on my routine, coffee, jog, uni work etc. Sticking to routine makes it easier (for me) to process my feelings when I need to but still being able to get things done. I also talk about it when I need to (even though I’m sure my boyfriend would wish I stopped) with my family and loved ones.
Now more than ever I’m thankful. Thankful for everyone and everything I have- and will have. I wake up every day grateful that even though I’m experiecing this grief and loss, that I’m alive. That I can make a difference in someone’s life and help those who are struggling to feel better and struggle a little less. I can still reach out to the ones I love that are here. That’s everything to me.
It slowly (and some times painfully) gets better each day.
It will be okay.
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